One Year Later: 4 Thoughts on Marriage

Three weeks ago Tom and I celebrated our one year anniversary. We opted for a simple dinner at one of our favorite Cambridge spots, Cafe Sushi, because May was a month full of fantastic, foodie visitors, and sushi sounded like the best path to getting back to our healthier selves. But the last month has given us several instances to reflect on our first married year and our hopes for the future. One of my dearest high school friends, Will Baucom, proposed to his fiance while staying with us in Boston, and last weekend we traveled back to Jackson, Mississippi for Tom’s close friend, Will Fontaine’s, wedding (lots of Wills).

We’ve been through a lot in our first year as Allins: Moving from Mississippi to Massachusetts, Completing one year of courses at Harvard, Starting a new job at Full Contact, Surviving car registration at the Massachusetts RMV, Cooking our first Thanksgiving meal, and Keeping our poodle alive for one more year. We have also been fortunate to share the year with friends new and old from Jackson and NYC to London and Nairobi.

I’ve learned a great deal through one year of marriage with Tom in Somerville. As final thoughts, here are 4.

1) Contrary to previous belief, I CAN sleep with the light on.

I go to bed at 10:30 each night (okay, okay most nights I don’t make it past 10). Even as a graduate student, I rarely stay up. Tom, however, would much rather be up past midnight. Tom has learned to tolerate my early bed time in exchange for my tolerance of his late night internet exploring or reading. This has been especially critical for Tom who committed to reading 12 great works of American fiction this year as his New Year’s resolution.

2) Someday, I will be the parent that deals with sick children, not Tom.

Dogs make messes. Big dogs make big messes. I’m the clean up woman for those messes and will continue to be. Enough said.

3) Marriage is different.

I know this might not be true for everyone, but it has been true for me. I’ve always been surprised when people are asked how it feels to be married and they say it is the same. (I’ve also always felt it was completely wrong … why would so many be fighting for marriage equality if it was “the same?”) Our day to day lives feel similar, but I certainly approach each decision with Tom differently than before we were married. There is now a long-term future to be considered, and each small action we take towards one another ultimately shapes our relationship and the life we build…and while that might not be unique to marriage, it does come from making a life-long commitment to one another.

4) Being an An Allin is Awesome.

Sometimes I still can’t believe I get to be married to Tom Allin. I know that half of you just rolled your eyes, but I can still remember how excited I was to talk to Tom in the fall of 2008 in social dance class. I’m grateful that I get to live my life with someone who continues to be a pleasure each day we experience together. Tom has also taught me a great deal about sacrifice and patience this year by making the transition with me to Boston for my graduate program. I hope someday soon I can do the same for him.

Until Next Time…

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